I recently watched "Silver Linings Playbook"-- a 2012 romantic comedy about many things including love and mental illness. A cute film.
There was a scene where the protagonist takes his medicine just as the trajectory of the character begins to heal. The scene was meant to be a feel good moment and a marker of success.
At that moment I had a meltdown of my own as I felt my grief over having dispensed so much poison over twenty years.
I spent eight years studying pharmacology and applied therapeutics to help people. For a year and a half I worked in Sandoz Drug Safety Assessment Lab primarily on a project to mitigate antipsychotic side effects. I worked at the Keck Center for Integrative Neuroscience characterizing serotonin pathways and also at the Poison Center while in Pharmacy school. A lot of my life creativity in science and in communication with other health care providers went into mitigating harm in healing.
When I saw the medications I had dispensed thousands of times I broke out crying. Paused the film. I sobbed and felt the grief of having done harm when I meant to do right.
I knew when I dispensed them that someday those meds would be described as barbaric. I knew they would someday be derided historically in a similar way we describe blood letting to balance the humors or radiating children's oversized thyroids in the 1950s (leading to adult thyroid cancer) or so many medical superstitions of the past.
"It was the best treatment we had at the time." "It was the standard of care." "I was just following (medical) orders."
I still carry deep grief over trying to assist the medical system to get people well by any means possible and yet distributing flawed tools. Tools less than optimal that simultaneously made the manufacturer and insurance industries a lot of money.
Seroquel, Abilify, Cymbalta, Ambien, Xanax XR to name a few. Phenomenally expensive and with many soft pedaled risks. I stayed in my box as a pharmacist until specifically asked by prescribers, patients or family.
I am available for consultation. Not to dispense. I can recommend the film.
There was a scene where the protagonist takes his medicine just as the trajectory of the character begins to heal. The scene was meant to be a feel good moment and a marker of success.
At that moment I had a meltdown of my own as I felt my grief over having dispensed so much poison over twenty years.
I spent eight years studying pharmacology and applied therapeutics to help people. For a year and a half I worked in Sandoz Drug Safety Assessment Lab primarily on a project to mitigate antipsychotic side effects. I worked at the Keck Center for Integrative Neuroscience characterizing serotonin pathways and also at the Poison Center while in Pharmacy school. A lot of my life creativity in science and in communication with other health care providers went into mitigating harm in healing.
When I saw the medications I had dispensed thousands of times I broke out crying. Paused the film. I sobbed and felt the grief of having done harm when I meant to do right.
I knew when I dispensed them that someday those meds would be described as barbaric. I knew they would someday be derided historically in a similar way we describe blood letting to balance the humors or radiating children's oversized thyroids in the 1950s (leading to adult thyroid cancer) or so many medical superstitions of the past.
"It was the best treatment we had at the time." "It was the standard of care." "I was just following (medical) orders."
I still carry deep grief over trying to assist the medical system to get people well by any means possible and yet distributing flawed tools. Tools less than optimal that simultaneously made the manufacturer and insurance industries a lot of money.
Seroquel, Abilify, Cymbalta, Ambien, Xanax XR to name a few. Phenomenally expensive and with many soft pedaled risks. I stayed in my box as a pharmacist until specifically asked by prescribers, patients or family.
I am available for consultation. Not to dispense. I can recommend the film.
